RUNT (Lyrics)

Now your sister' s a bitch she s been dabbling in witchcraft she's been drinking the bitches brew; she s been acting the clown and it's getting you down now she's messed up with little to lose.

how your sistrs uptight looking out fr a fight staggering tward the beach on one heel;
shes had chance after chance on the bar trying to dance shes been on it since  twenty past 3.

and nobody hates her like you
 and nobody hates her like me.

now ur sisters a mess but i couldnt care less, hope she doesnt wash up on th beach; less respectable lass ud b hard pushed to meet, dyu recall how she laid into me?

and her tastes are quite crass, what a pain  what an ass  !gonna stick my whole fist inside it..cos ur sister's a cunt, of the litter the runt and nobody hates her like me. !!!

m8: what a fuckin bitch, what a cunt! !   !

NOW YOURE sister's in court and ur family distraught, well,  too lenient with her they have been;
but she's let off the hook cause the meds that she took arent s'pposed to be mixed with tooheys !

and your sis breaks your heart tears your family apart and she still lays at home at their feet;
she's no Dali or Plath a cheap middle class slag for your sake love i hope she gets clean.



is my hate for this girl symptomatic of more do i see part of her inside me; 
ive drunk lots in my time messed them round with my lies oh and nobody hates me like me.

confessions of musical nobody: Joogleberry, Brighton, August 2009

So this was the night of Alex's BIG FALL FROM GRACE and when i almost lost my missus and some good friends..it's a bit painful to recall the evening's events but hey  it's in the past and i've learnt from it...haven't i ?!?

Two of the main ingredients of tonite's downfall were mdma and booze, and this is becoming a bit of a theme, i know, excessive booze and gigs = car crash. add drugs to the equation and it s a multi-car pile up on th motorway. just to show that it's not only rock behemoths like Oasis who have massive bust-ups, us on the toilet circuit can act like petulant pricks, under the auspices of 'being rock n roll' (read: childish). being a disciple of popular music since i was a teen i have learnt that fighting with your band mates is apparently all part of the job if your in a band, well tonite i was fighting with bandmates, the support bands, and most of those who d come down to watch us play.

the following is a list of my crimes for the night: (which by the way, I had again organised): to quote Layne Staley from Alice in Chains : '' ...i have been guilty of kicking myself in the teeth" (Down in a Hole).

First of all i was shushed and then asked to go outside during the rather fine opening act because a) they were rather fine and b) my new girlfriend's ex was playing fiddle for them. jealousy + booze = Alex kickin off.
Jupiter 7 (welsh Jo's band) had been booked again (there are 1001 bands in Brighton , surely i can do better than a mate's grunge band on an acoustic nite???) and they were on second. they took a fucking age to get on and when they did
screaming like a mad man at my girlfriend and her ex ' i ll facking panch you in the back of the head!!! you slag"

i was also apparently guilty of checking out my bandmate danni's boobs onstage, is hard not to do when we are singing some duets and she s got these massive things hanging out. i thought it added to the theatrical effect of the songs(!) or maybe i was drunk and she just has crackin tits...

attempts to start a fight with anybody willing upstairs and outside the venue.

getting home smashing glasses up the living room wall

we broke up for a week whilst cat stayed with a friend in 7 dials.

i blame it on the drugs

confessions of a musical nobody: the office, Swansea,november 2010

getting paid not to play...


yesterday was certainly a nite and 3/4 but also a possible nadir for RLD's career(but maybe not Ramblin Simpleton's). so we schlepped it on thre train to cold and wet (swansea - in the welsh) on a friday nite for a gig that R.S. had organised for us on the back of his extremely casual visits to Swansea for a part time arts degree he weas doing there. it shld be noted at this point that R>S> seemed to be on the downward curve of one of his manic phases so was behaving erratically and, like me, started drinking on the train to cope with his condition and the reliably rotten Welsh weather, only marginally shitter than the English climate. so a train wreck looked on the cards.
arriving early and depositing our equipment (1 guitar, mine, minus a G-string) we went on the hunt through town (your standard provincial, slightly down at heel British town, lit up only by the usual Wetherspoons, McDonalds and river island, for some replacement strings.

on retrning to the flea pit that is the Office, a name so incongruous with the surroundings (no clean surfaces - the office brings to mind a chilly soho bar where bottles of Russian lager set u back $5.50 and you're served by half a haircut - it should have been called the 'Shit Pit', 'Devil's Crack' or 'Arse of Wales', we waited with our cokes (topped up with smuggled tesco vodka, naturally) and tried to not stand in one place too long lest our feet got stuck permanently to the carpet. as u may already have cottoned on RLD is an acoustic act, and judging byu the ACDC, metallica and Guns n fucking roses blaring out of the speaker system it dawned on me that the   ...this inkling was all but confirmed ion me when mr-sound-guy (black top, greean combat trousers and greasy long hair - your standard roadie) asked me and paul, ''what no drams?? easy for me  then bud"... i think he was expecting a band not the second coming of hall and Oates.

at 9pm we approached the stage to a less than rapturous welcome from three grizzled old rockers propping up the bar (our designated fan/friend charlotte was running late) and burst into our hard folk version of chris isaac's wicked game. paul and i, three sheets to the wind at this point, were ramshackle as ever, but the melody could still be distingushed beneath the busker's guitar and you certainly couldn't accuse us of not 'reinterpreting' the original. applause from one of the old barflies only served to emphasise the emptiness and indifference of this office party.

confessions of a musical nobody - november 2011

this gig i was quite surprised to get as it was down the rather decent venue called the 'Louisiana' near Bristol harbour. plenty of big names like the white stripes, amy winehouse, coldplay and er...shed seven all rocked out here on their way to bigger and better things. however, back in the real world of amateur rock n roll (and despite us being an impressive musical partnership) me n cat r still struggling to garner much of a west country following. this is partly to do with our limtations as self promoters, but mainly because we ve been moving town to town a lot. we ve only been in brizzle for 7 months and (boo hoo) have made few amigos here. possibly the other bands that played are in the same situation or just couldn't be arsed to invite their mates along....cos the venue (not large) was emptier than a school hall on gary glitter's reunion tour ...sound was great tho and i was lookin forward to play as we d seen australia's sarah blasko playin here a few weeks previously.

we opened the evening's entertainment and played a good tight set (cat's tunes added a lot to the set and more diversity to our 'musical palette') albeit to a strict schedule.(in the words of charming mr-sound-guy: 'if u go past 9.15 i m pulling the plug...sorry them's the rules! )and to an audience of other band members and 3 of cat's work mates (cheers frankie for the cool photos - how about one me and cat together tho nex time eh?!?!). some new acquaintances of mine did actually come down but felt the fiver on the door was a little steep for them so i spent the rest of the eve chatting to them in the bar downstairs.cheers guys, i know it's a credit crunch, but really...
anyways, headliners benny sensus mixed hip hop with acoustic guitars and cello in a jazz leaning were actually rather good and fairly fresh, so hats off to them...amusingly and a first for me i received a group email some weeks later from th venue asking each of the bands why noone came to watch.

confessions of a musical nobody - march 31st 2012

a double header this one and also two gigs that coincided with the END OF THE SPRING TERM and first day of eastewr break, hence 3 reasons (4 if you count the fact it was a saturday) to get as DRUNK.AS.A.SKUNK.
1st up was a 3pm slot at 7 stars and steve carroll's 2nd performance  with RLD. sound is good here and there is always a decent turnout at the stars as the locals actually seem to enjoy a bit of acoustica and dont just scream over the music like in a lot of pub venues i trek around. cos i'm an amateur i had started drinking at the indulgent / alcoholic hour of 12.30 as me and steve warmed up round his flat before hitting the venue so by 3 i was well on my way and in good spirits... as steve was getting in on the4 act we did a crowd pleasing set of covers  (with or without you, hallelujah, wicked game, knockin on heaven's door) peppered with  2 originals. this was much to the pleasure of alcoholic promoter and wedding band singer Alfie K. Our 2 aussie audience members emma and erin ( who somewhat incongruously for aussies were sticking to the cokes) were politely impressed. to be honest i was getting so inebriated at that point that steve could've been strummin his guitar with his cock and i could have been howling the words to blink-182's 'fuck a dog' and i d have been proud of myself...

next up, the evening leg/gig at marlowes bar - a preposterously overpriced hotel bar (£4.20 for a becks - yah fuck off, i brought my own flask of sipping vodka) beneath the thistle hotel in central bristol. this gig's main saving grace is that (aprt from the candlelight - lovely touch) it is on a saturday nite so we are able to get a few 'fans' (friends) down to watch. to be honest my recollection of the actual gig is hazy as i had continued drinking (wind-down drinks theyre called) between gigs with a couple of chaps at the stars.i vaguely recall playin everything at twice the speed, or mayube twice as slow, but fun was had and i didnt offend or bully anybody between songs...i think. (to anyone who may have been offended by my antics, or the butchering of Wicked Game- i apologise).

The after show 'party' consisted of a long and expensive taxi up to north of bristol, carrier bags full of mid-priced booze and a drunken gathering in Innes Ross's kitchen with him and his flatmatess. dancing to Journey. Stay classy RLD ;)

another nite's work...hmmm

confessions of a musicalnobody: Wed June 13 2009– hector’s house gig.

Wed June 13 2009– hector’s house gig, Brighton.

This actually turned out to be one of the better gigs that I have organised in recent times. I seem to have become a (shit) promoter by default, when gigs have dried up and I can’t be bothered to (a) trawl the web for promoters who rarely respond to my polite demands for some stage time or (b) play the same ol’ venues to a collective shrug ( the providence is one such place – great sound and set-up, but hard to get punters to…probably something to do with our lack of er..fanbase).

Turns out the gig is the same nite as the champion’s league final, barcelona v man utd, big match indeed and a nite when a large share of young (and older) Brightonians are gonna be sat at home with their cans of lager in front of the telly, or down pubs with their pints of lager, in front of the telly, or passed out face first in their vomit on Edward sreet…oh, and cos it's august, it’s pissing down. All night. I asked my welsh flatmate (and sometime enemy) jo’s band utopia 7 (formerly utopia jaded – they obviously got over being jaded and now sound like a spin off of late 90s pop teens S-Club) who are pretty much your basic balls to the wall (is that an expression?) grunge band, a few gd songs but nothing you haven't already heard by 1994. with the benefit of hindsight (as ever) it was a rather ill-fitting bill as they are a 'rawk' band, RLD are ostensibly more folky, and my friend zoe’s band 'prosthetic head' (good name, ramshackle band) are a mishmash of ambient electronica, jazz and rock – all improvised apparently and it sounded as much.

N.B. Strange to be watching footie and actually quite engrossed in the spectacle whilst on stage and tryin to put on a stormin gig.


Another nite's work...hmmm.

confessions a of a musical nobody: 21/4/12 - INTERVIEW!!!!!

http://www.bristol247.com/2012/04/13/ian-pemble-which-rachel-will-alex-kirkup-have-his-last-dance-with-44839/